Welcome to Ritual Sisters. This is the podcast where we help you feel more grounded and connected through the magic of ritual. On today's episode, we have the absolutely delightful Lara Mar of Lara. Mars Photography. She is based out of New York City and specializes in boudoir photography. So we are talking to her about how to.

Connect with and appreciate your body more. So Kelly was very lucky to meet Lara years ago in a coaching program led by Kimberly Luck and will link her in the show notes as well. They've been able to stay connected online and. You know, hopefully we'll meet in person someday, but we had a really great conversation with her and we hope that you enjoy.

Hello. Hello everyone. We are so grateful to be here. Michelle and I have been so excited about this conversation. Welcome, Lara. Martha, thank you. Thank you guys for having me. It is so amazing to see your face and be in this shared space. So thank you. Thank you for being here with us. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, we're gonna talk about photography, get to know you. Mm-hmm. You are such a supporter of women and love and joy, and man, I just can't wait to get into it, so thank you. Can't wait. Let's see. Let's see what you guys get me into. Yes. Yeah. That'll be a, a fun journey. Mm-hmm. It's already been that way. I wish the guys would've been there behind the scenes before.

Before we hit the record button. Riot a riot, truly. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So we just wanna start off with a little bit about yourself. So you're here talking about your boudoir photography company. So maybe tell us a little bit about kind of, yeah, a little bit about your background and what got you into this work.

I never get tired of telling the story 'cause I was telling my camera on eBay when it hit me that I wanted to practice photography. And so, uh, I did a, a training where they, uh, taught us how to do speeches like in a TED Talk. It was like some kind of, it's called train the trainer from a, a company I'm a part of.

And I posted a video on it and somebody in my community saw the video and they wanted to talk to me. They just love my energy or something. I don't know what it was. That's what they wrote. Like, I love your energy. Let's hop on a call. I wanna, I wanna know what you're up to. And it so happened that this person was running an anti-bullying campaign where they wrote.

Labels of like your labels, like four labels that don't support you and four labels that support you on your back. So bare back and then they will take photos of this. I thought I was ing like just genius. I'm like, I wanna be a part of this. How can I, like, where are you located? She's like, I'm in la. Like, and she explained the whole company to me.

Mind you, we were not talking about her company. She just wanted to know who I was. 'cause we were part of this community and, and to see what will come up, you know, and I'm like. Talking her as I'm talking to her, I'm like, who is she? Why does she wanna talk to me? Like back then I didn't have this whole entrepreneurial, let, let, let's connect.

Yeah. Like she wanted to talk to me and I'm like, okay, let's see how this works. Mm-hmm. And when I saw what she was doing, I'm like, okay, I need to be a part of this. How can I do this? And she's like, I'm in la. I'm like, I'll buy a flight right now. Like, I wanna do this. Yes. And in the conversation, like, why don't we do it in.

Oh, and you can be an ambassador. And she just, she knew, it's like she knew who she was talking to. I saw, I saw stars every, I'm like the ambassador of the, of the campaign in New York. Yes. I'm down. So she explained to me what she needed. She needed photographers, a studio like the whole setup to create this, at least 25 people to model.

And so it was a donation based. Experience. So they will donate like 20, $25, something like that, and get those photos done. So we created the most massive event for them here. It went global after that. Wow. This is a big deal. It, it was, it blew all of our minds. I mean, I got my whole community here in New York to support.

It was such a beautiful day. I mean, we have friends come from Toronto, from all over the freaking place. People came from all over the place to do this, to be a part of it. And we got the studio for free. The photographers, all of my friends who were photographers, I wasn't a photographer yet, they were like, sure, I wanna be a part of that.

And they came in and did it. Like if they were getting paid a ton of money, like it was just. Mind blowing. So when, when we decided to do that, I told her I wanted to be one of the four photographers. And she's like, do you take photos? I'm like, no. She's like, then no. Get a photographer. I'm like, I'm gonna do it and there's nothing you can do about it.

'cause it's my event and I'm gonna do it. She's like, wow. And so I'm like, and she's like, okay. So I'm like, I'm gonna just start now. I'm, I have a camera. I post it on Facebook. That I need models and I'm part of so many communities. God bless everybody. I got so many people and I got 'em all on the list. When I got to person number four, I.

It was my, a really good friend of mine, he, he came all the way to my house, all dressed up in a, in like a suit and like, I'm gonna use this for my brand. And I'm like, sure, I don't know what I'm doing, but let's do it. And when I took his photos, I'm like, oh, I can charge for this. Mm, nice. But like I, and I did a lot of brands and I did events, but I really wanted to go back to that, uh, vulnerability.

I forgot the word I was trying to use, but it was just like this connection that happened at the anti-bullying campaign that we did, and I didn't know about Bois. I didn't know what that, like, I knew women did that, but I thought it was like models and like, like fashion people, not like a thing that women did for fun.

And so I didn't think of it. I just started typing. Okay. Vulnerable photography, connection, photography, something where women get to be themselves and, and popping up. And I'm like, okay, what is this thing? And I bumped into a, my coach, my current coach right now, and he's. Amazing. And, uh, in 2020 when the pandemic hit, that's when I started.

Okay. Because we couldn't do events anymore. And so, uh, I still do events, I do brand photos and all the things, but boudoir is like my, it's been a healing experience for me to do. It's such a long story. I wish we need like a whole day for this. Yes. Um, it, I didn't know what I didn't know at the moment.

There was a reason why my, it was like a calling. I needed to go back to that. As much as it was fun to walk around New York taking photos, and it still is, there's something about being in the space. It, it, it, I, it's, it's, it feels sacred. It feels, uh, safe. It feels like I could be me. And, and like, that's what I want them to feel.

And at that moment, I didn't feel any of those things. I just, I wanted to know what it felt like through someone else. So, you know what? You want it from the outside? Mm-hmm. Like I, I don't feel it, but I want someone else to experience that thing. I don't know how to create for myself. Hmm. Yeah. That's relatable.

Yeah. That's super relatable. And so that, that creates not present at all, that therapists go into therapy ever.

Yeah. That part,

that part. It does feel like therapy though. Uh, uh, it, it, and people still, you, did you go to therapy? That's a whole other conversation for another podcast. Uh, I, I just, I, one thing at a time, photography is my therapy right now. But it's just, it is, as much as I, I don't want to experience it. Everybody else does, but me, I don't, I don't get to, it's, it's changed me to be able to create this for women and I've been doing it for now five years.

Oh, this is my fifth year doing it. Oh, we are celebrating that with you? Yes. Yes. It's, it is, I'm looking through, like right now, I'm organizing all the photos that I've done through the years just so that I can have some, like I wanna create, I don't know what I wanna create with it yet, but I wanna look at everything, like how much I've grown as a photographer, my, my ease, and taking this boudoir photos.

It wasn't the same in the beginning as it is right now. Like. Like naked, I don't wanna see you naked. I wouldn't even promote that. Like wear a teddy or something. I don't wanna see you. I want you to feel vulnerable, but we're not there yet. We're not friends like that. I don't wanna see your boobs. It, it was really strange.

Uh, but that's like, that's the beauty of it all. I had a conversation around my own body. And it just, it, it, it felt like it was a, a, it's therapy, literally like a form of therapy to practice this so that I can start learning about me and like being, uh, a champion for me and how I talk to myself, how I treat myself, and projecting that onto my clients.

Yeah, it's like a win-win experience. I don't know if I'm explaining myself. Oh, you're doing beautifully. Yeah. Lyra. I'm hearing this journey of self love and, and just how much seeing people transform in this way has transformed you to. Mm-hmm. And my goodness, that is just stunning. Yeah. If you were to describe to Michelle and I, you know, like what season of life are you in, as you think about, okay, been a business for five years and just, yeah.

What, what season are you in? Can I use like the actual seasons, like summer, winter, spring? Yeah. Do it feels like spring. It feels like the beginning, like when it's not like in New York at least, like it's not hot, but it's not cold. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you can be cute leather jacket, but like, it just feels like everything is blooming.

I, I feel like I'm connecting to myself as a business owner. Like more empowered, more like my, I feel like there's a foundation, like that's firm. Mm-hmm. Under me and I'm not like just figuring things out anymore. Especially like Kelly, like the, when we met, like we met literally Uhhuh in the pandemic, like through Kim, right?

I was not this person. I was, no, I was jittery and like, I don't know what I want and I works out for me and it's weird. I'm lost. I feel very accomplished. I feel like I'm on track. Some days I wish I was like, you know, in microwave mode, like, can I have my yacht already? Like, where's my mansion and my private jet?

You know? Yeah. But, but I'm, I'm abundant. I've met a lot of incredible people through this journey. I have learned to show up for me. That's making me out. Like, but like my, I wasn't, I never get emotional telling this story. I don't know what you guys are doing. What can we say? Oh my God, this is like, I just never told it this way.

I, I guess I'm like realizing right now like it's been a really cool journey. Messy and awesome, and all the things, and it's all amazing. Like, been through all kinds of stuff, like getting here and accepting. Like, it's like it's been a journey about acceptance and celebration and like, I also wanna, like now after I said it like this, I wanna reflect on that word after our call, because acceptance sometimes sounds like, like, like failure.

Mm-hmm. Like if, like I can't, like fine. And that's not, and that's not how I wanna use it. I just can't articulate it right now. But it's like understanding that, that everything happens this way because it's supposed to, and just like rejoice in it. Yeah. Oh, I love how you describe that difference. Yeah.

That's powerful. Yeah, because acceptance, when you say it like, like I feel like it's part of like that grieving thing, like where you go like, I'm like all the steps that I can never remember, but like I know that at the end it's acceptance. Like, okay, fine. Like, I understand and now I can move on. No, no, no, no, no.

It's like, I get it. I'm, I'm important. I matter. Without me knowing this, I, I, I have been supporting a lot of women, but I feel like I'm about to go to a different level where I'm, we're the, it's so crazy. If I look, I'm getting goosebumps. It's like, it's like the next level of women. Like we're all growing together and we're like, we know we're powerhouses and now we're just owning the stage, like we own this space.

I'm not confused about it. I'm not jittery about it. I know I look good in the stilettos and we're gonna do some sexy. Yeah, sexy. Sexy. I dunno if I can curse, but you know, sexy stuff. I was just thinking today too about how spring is such a feminine energy and it's like this like celebration, like these beautiful like popping colors that are just like, I'm here.

Yeah. That maybe that's what it is too. 'cause like Spring brings, it's like literally the new year. I, I love that. The equinox, that that's Happy New Year. I, I was happy New Year mode when that hap like it's not in the winter. Also, I'm from the Caribbean, like winter doesn't feel like New Year feels like death.

Like I wanna iy Yeah. I wanna celebrate New Year now. So, yeah. And even, like, I always feel that way every year, but this year maybe it's because I'm in my forties and I just started. My forties and it's like, just like a whole bunch of emotions around like who I am, where I've been, like who I was in my twenties and my thirties.

And that's just reflecting and, and how I get to show up. Like what is it that I want the next, let's say eight years to look like because 50, right? Like how do I want 50 to look and just like be intentional about this eight years? Or like seven, 'cause I'm gonna be 23 in September. But anyways, you know, like be intentional.

I feel like I've been on the go with the flow and let's see what happens. And yeah, that's good. But like I also get to have some kind of blueprint where like, this is what I see, I see me doing this for my business, like, or like showing up this way so that I can get the tools that I need to make that happen.

And see where it takes me as opposed to, well, this year I, I went to this summit and I did this program and maybe I did this. And it's just like, no, no, no, no. Now I'm clear that I did all the programs in the planet. Been 12 years of programs everywhere. I'm part of every community you can think of. I know everybody.

I'm friends with most of them and it's like, okay guy, thanks for the tools. Now I wanna go and take photos in Paris and I wanna go to Italy and do a workshop. And I like all this has been happening around me, but I was not secure enough. In me to like spend that kind of money and be around those photographers that are probably better than me, which also I know these photographers and they're in the same page I am, even though they've been doing it longer than me.

Mm-hmm. And so it doesn't matter. I belong. Yes. And so this year I get to be live with this people or like next year 'cause you know, depending on what they're offering. But I wanna be in a space where I get to take photos of models and I get the guidance from my top people that I love following on social and that I bought a program from or whatever.

I just, I wanna make impact. Like I, I want people to know, oh, light a Mars. Yeah, I saw her, it was with blah, blah, blah, and she did this. Photos that showed up in blah, blah, blah. Publication. I don't know. Get a little selfish for light out a little bit. Do fun stuff for me. That's it. I have goosebumps with you.

Really. I just feel like if I allow myself to go big, then I can impact more people. Mm-hmm. That's it. Have that shit backwards. I'm like, I don't wanna, I'm scared of the, like, I don't, I don't know what that means. And then. But then I just stay in the same circle and mm-hmm. Only three people get impacted as opposed to everybody.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh goodness. Well, you're already embodying this energy. Like it is. They're scary. I'm in this skinny branch with you guys. I don't know why I'm saying this. This is not me talking. This is the universe. Yes. Open up and let the universe speak. Yes. It's not me. I'm not, none of this stuff. I never told this story this way.

So whatever voice is coming through me, we're listening. I'm, yeah, I'm listening. That's how I feel like I'm listening. Take me to the next. I'm not Don, I'm, I'm a work, not work. I'm a do my best to not resist. Mm-hmm. Yeah. We just go with the flow and be intentional. So we also ask everyone about their relationship to ritual.

So what is your relationship with Ritual? What do you think about when you hear ritual? I mean, I like, I like the blueprint of it. Mm-hmm. It, it, it creates discipline and, and um, it helps you with developing habits. Mm-hmm. But I'm also a rebel and sometimes I don't wanna follow any freaking ritual and I wanna do whatever I want.

So lately I used to be the, at 5:00 AM club girl, I get up at five, I journal, I tap, I do meditation, and when I follow those things, it's a very blissful day and week and month. Uh, but also like now I've just been getting up and I feel like it, because I for some reason get up at 3:00 AM every day and they say it's perimenopause, don't know yet, but because I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm like, I am not getting up at no damn size.

I'm gonna go back to sleep and wake up when my body wants to wake up. And I've been able to do that because I set up my business in such a way that. I don't have meetings in the morning or I don't have like pending photos. Like things get, I have a schedule now where like getting up at nine is not death to anybody.

Yeah. And so, but, so maybe that's a routine that I'm doing. I'm like, I'm letting my body wake up when he wants to. My business is allowing for that to happen. I love that. That's what's happening because then I create from a different space and, and what I wanna do is create freedom around my time. And not feel guilty around that.

Even not scheduling these meetings early mm-hmm. Is allowing you to listen to your body or let's even go further and turn it backwards. I am scheduling me time. Mm-hmm. And, and then everybody else. And I'm only saying that I'm able to do that now because I finally got a grasp around what it looks like to set me up for the day.

Mm-hmm. So we, we've, in the, in the beginning, you don't know what you don't know. And so you gotta do all the things until you figure out a rhythm. Especially when you're wearing every hat and you have, and you have courses that you're taking because you're learning and you have. You wanna talk to all the people because you wanna get business and you gotta post and you gotta do this and you gotta create content.

It's just a lot. You're feeling seen and No, no, it's a lot. And so it just gets to a point where like, okay, what I'm burning out and I really love what I'm doing, and so I took a step back. So my ritual right now currently is. Taking a step back and doing the things that I know move my business forward and all the other things that I know will continue to do that, like creating content, which is why I'm getting all these photos from all the years, right?

And creating all these things so that I can like create some kind of map. I'm not the best with social media. I like, honestly, like if, if I can hand that to someone else to do for me, that's a win. But I'm clear that that's the next step for me to do marketing and do things like that. I gotta get something together.

So. I took a step back to relax and rest my brain. Good for you. And I allow the spring to spring and I, I'm doing the thing, I'm, I'm still working. I go to networking events here in New York. I get gigs. I, I'm taking photos. I'm, I'm doing a lot of cool things, but I'm also allowing myself to rest because I was so burnt out in December.

I almost like, I'm like, this is my last year doing photo stuff. This is not how I wanna do it. This last December. Yeah. I was like, I'm done. Fifth year we do a big anniversary party and we're done. We closed this business. I'm not doing this shit. Wow. Mm-hmm. I was doing too much. Like this is, I know there's a better way to do business.

I can't, and I'm part of this amazing mastermind of photographers and I, I'm not listening to my coach. That's what's happening. Mm. Mm-hmm. I'm a, I'm scared to run my business the way he does it, because to me he's big and that's why he could do that. No, he's been doing this from the beginning. That is so interesting.

And I'm glad we're talking about how rituals can change over time, because sometimes it feels like, oh, I get my rituals set and it's stagnant and this is what I follow forever. And it's like, no, like we evolve. Our rituals evolve with us. Yeah. Even that gets old. The rituals. You feel like you're in jail.

Like I have to if I, if you miss, why? If you go on vacation, like if you do something else, what you gonna do? You're gonna literally on vacation, wake up at 5:00 AM mm-hmm. To journal and shit. Nah, you're on vacation. That's the journal. Be in the space. There's a sunset and a freaking sun up. Whatever you call it.

Just go outside. This always happens to me on vacation. 'cause I have a meditation app and ILI kid you not ladies, I lose my streak every time because Im like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not thinking of that when, yeah, when I'm enjoying a blissful sense. You are. That's the meditation. Yeah, exactly. Just being on vacation is the meditation.

Yes. But it's like you are doing this every day and you're telling me you're gonna go on vacation and do that same shit over there. Nah. Like. I don't wanna see a book. I don't wanna see a tablet. I don't wanna see my camera. I don't wanna see a, I don't wanna see nothing. I wanna see the sand and a margarita or a corona and the sun.

I don't care. Whatever your ritual allow it to be. Your ritual. Don't like, I feel like we do a lot of beat up. If you don't do what everybody's doing. Journal in the morning, da da da da. Do your workout, drink your like smoothie. Girl, especially us women, like there are times in the month where we do not want anybody to bother us.

We wanna do us, and we don't plan for ourselves. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Those rhythm, that's how I started. I'm like, oh, it's that time of the month. I don't wanna do shit. I'm not even gonna work. What? What do I have? Nothing. I have nothing scheduled. I think I have one photo shoot. And it was a good photo shoot, but because I didn't do anything the rest of the week and I concentrated on being present for that, I'm like, I'm trying my best.

Sometimes it shifts, but I'm gonna try that that week. I'm not, I gotta work in a way where it's in setting an intention, the way I wanna work, I get to take a week off, or at least three days. I, I, I can't, I'm not creating this live so that I can also be in jail or like a slave to my job. Mm-hmm. And so again, I'm speaking from, I've been doing this for six years.

It's, it doesn't look that way at first, but, but then strive for that. Like, sit down and what are my routines? What are my rituals? What is my blueprint? How do I see this in five years? What's the life that I want and work towards that. Yeah. Powerful wisdom.

Okay. Do you have any rituals that people can do or that you've seen that help people get into the mindset? For the boudoir shoots, uh, I mean it's again, what makes you feel good is what I offer. If they don't have a ritual, I ask them to pamper themselves. Mm-hmm. Oh, so like the week of the session, not even the day before.

And like I, before, I used to be less pushy. I'll be like, the day before, make sure you get a mani-pedi. No, it's the whole week. The whole week. Pick something awesome to do every day for you. Oh, I love that. Can you share some examples? 'cause I'm thinking listeners, I mean, even if they don't have a shoot scheduled, could.

Implement some of this. And, and if you don't have, because of the work we're gonna do, your body needs to be rusted. 'cause you're gonna need an Advil Act because I'm gonna have you posting in all kinds of ways. And so that's why I want you to like, relax and pamper yourself. But on the regular list, you're not doing a session.

I, I go on artist dates. I don't know if you guys know about the Artist way. So for those of you listening, there's the awesome book called The Artist Way. I, oh my God. Uh. I'll find the name and I'll tell you guys again the name of the author and we'll link it in the episode. Link it. That book changed my life, so I go on an artist date every week.

That means I go, I take myself out on a date and it doesn't necessarily need to be outside. I could just like grab a couple of, like the, one of the examples in the book is to go to like a 99 cents store, like some kind of store like that, like a Dollar Tree or something and get coloring, coloring books and, and like colors.

And then go back home and sit down and color, like that's the artist day. So do something that fills your heart. Do something intentional for you every week for the intention of the session, because I want you to connect to you. I say do something that elevates you. So whether that's a mani-pedi. Do your eyebrows wax everywhere.

If you wanna wax, if you don't wanna wax, don't. Hair gets to be celebrated in my studio too. Yeah. Pampering, mani-pedi. Do your hair. Go shopping. Buy. Buy yourself cute stilettos. If you wanna wear something new in the shoot, go for it. Even though I always offer the closet like, don't go crazy. It's session.

I'm sure you got. Sexy clothes that you go to sleep in. And if you don't go to all of the, I send you links to all the different stores that you don't have to spend crazy money on. Amazon has a lot of cool, uh, inexpensive things that are sexy too, but definitely mani pedi. Do your hair, get a massage.

Choose something that you want. Like read a book, like find some meantime, like an hour just for you to read a book or listen to your favorite podcast without interruption, without browsing everywhere else. Just be in the podcast like this one. Just listen to us. Just yes, take it in. Mm-hmm. Take it in.

Don't do anything else. If anything. Journal. You're getting aha moments. Mm-hmm. Like be with your book taking notes, or don't even do that. Just listen, just be with us. Like be intentional with. Spending at least an hour with you doing something that fulfills you. And, and sometimes like, well, most of the time it's like, you know, I never like thought about it that I don't do anything for me.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure so many people feel that way. Yeah. Like there's just not even five minutes to do this. So Yeah. This could be super. You think like taking a shower is me time? I mean, unless you go all out like and miss a bath or you, I, I love playing music and I spend at least 15 minutes. It's three songs and it just happens that way.

Yeah, I'm the same way. Yes. Three songs at least in the shower. Yep. And I'm like singing it. I play my, I put my favorite three. I sing it like I'm doing my own concert in there. And I, and it's a, it's, that's my meantime. I get all my ideas in the shower. Um, believe it or not, cleaning is me time. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. I like cleaning and making things tidy and. Organizing and that's also a way to meditate. 'cause like if you're, you could be in the quiet just moving things around and things come up doing the dishes in some meantime if you make it intentional. Yeah. It makes me think about, you know, the difference of loneliness versus solitude and like finding those moments where.

Being alone just feels good. And it can be totally anything like you're saying. It like can be you're cleaning alone and that just feels good to be with yourself. Mm-hmm. Take a walk. So, right. There's like a social distinction between solitude and, and like being alone. Like, I feel lonely. No, it's like, let's recalibrate that.

Let's think. Do you feel lonely or are you just like ignoring yourself right now? Yeah, it could be both. It could be both. But start with like, are you keeping yourself, company? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. I'm struck by what you said earlier about like five years ago when you were starting these shoots. Like I could tell Lyra when you were saying like, it was uncomfortable or, you know, just it was, I cringe I could thinking about it.

I, I was not this light. Now I'm sexy. Yeah. I'm bringing sexy back like Justin. Mm-hmm. Well, maybe you are thinking about like what. What does a person expect when they go to a shoot with you? Ooh, good question. Whoa, whoa. They don't, they usually don't know. They just like, trust me because I do this that we're doing right now, and I make you like me.

I don't want you to think about it. It is like expect to feel sexy, expect to feel seen, and I'm gonna post you. And a lot of the posts are not literally posing you. I'm. Capturing you. I'll give you prompts that will have you laugh or do something that I tell you to do, and I'll snap it, it every photo is different because I'm not, I'm, I'm gonna sound like anti-industry right now, but I like posts.

Uh, photos are great. I wanna capture you like the same post, that if I do this, like if I put you against the wall and I do this post, it's not gonna look the same on you, that it's gonna look on Kelly. Very true. Yeah. And so I noticed that, and it was really frustrating for me because it would look a certain way on this one, but not the same.

And I couldn't figure out how to tell her to post. I'm like, okay, no. How do you feel when I tell you to post like that? Do it the way that you feel comfortable. Let me see. And then it will do the post. Dude, they didn't even know they were that sexy. Like, like be intentional about like the way you're looking at me, you know, like, how would you sm And then like, and I'll say some silly shit and I'm like, I don't know.

Tell me, tell me why you ate for breakfast in a sexy French. Voice. Voice.

And then I'll snap and it looks freaking amazing. And then, and then we'll also, we'll do the classics so that there's, you know, choice for your album and things like that, but, or if you wanna print it. But I find that they like more of the photos that are where I just capture the moment. For me, like it works for me and that there's incredible photographers out there I wanna learn from that they know how to also capture the body in, in a way that they wanna portray it and they, they know how to tell their, their muse, their person how to post.

So I'm still learning guys, but, um, so far to me, people love that I am telling stories the way that I'm telling stories, so I'm not. I'm not deviating from it. I'm just gonna keep adding to it. Yeah. As I go in my journey. Aw. I don't really prepare them. I tell 'em to come ready and pampered and we're gonna have a good time.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Mm-hmm. Lira, I'm curious, what are some of the reasons people do these type of shoots? You know what? When you think about people scheduling with you, like is there a main intention, you know, what draws them in? They always wanted to. Mm-hmm. Uh, yeah, they always wanted to do it, but they were scared to, they'd been following me for a while and other photographers, and then they finally made a decision.

Uh, they either going through a breakup, they wanna show them, oh yeah, that's I am, uh, which I'm teaching. Like, no. You get to show yourself how sexy you are, and this is a transition. You went through an experience and you were sexy before, and you're sexy now. So, uh, this is not about him. It's about you, and it is very transformational, and you get to move on.

You get to heal with this, not. Be spiteful about it, but you know, we can be sassy, missing out. Look at all of this. I love, I love the Yeah. Having both, I love, you're very at balance, but I, I, I push the other one more because a narrative gets to shift inside of you, but, and then, and add the SAS as opposed to, this is all because of you and I'm, and you forget the whole main point is you.

Mm-hmm. And also you're responsible for everything that happens to you. So like, let's not forget that. Regardless of how idiotic the other person was, you chose out right? So you did something good and, and now you're celebrating yourself so that, or they are celebrating a birthday or they release a weight and they wanna celebrate how curd delicious they are.

I celebrate all sizes, like I also teach that like you look good now. You don't need to wait until you lose weight to do the photos, which is also me coaching myself. Yeah. Yeah. Weird. Yeah. Um, yeah, because women, we fluctuate. I've gone up and down through my years and I always say my base weight is 1 45, and since like 2017, I haven't been able to go back to that.

And it's okay. I look good now. Mm-hmm. It's, yeah, if I like it back there, then I just get to work on that and be intentional about going back to 1 45, but, um, not beating myself up about it. I'm a work in progress. This is, I sound super like I, I found the holy grail. I, I didn't find shit guys. I am still mean to myself.

Sometimes I look in the mirror, I'm like, you ate the chocolate yesterday and you had a whole bottle of wine and you never gonna learn. And I have to kind to come back to myself and yeah, I do it too. This is, it's the whole process of being, this is why I love what I do, because it's literally like my biggest tool to show me love.

Yeah. Oh, oof. That's such a good quote. I, I feel like I'm, I don't know who's talking right now. It's a hire me from the future that, that came and is paying what I should sound like. I never, this is so awesome. I'm like, I feel enlightened talking to you guys. I don't know what you, what you are creating, but I, I support this 20000%.

Thank you Michelle and Kelly for creating space for so much, um, growth. Right now. Mm-hmm. So sweet. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, so that's what I do. I, I empower women that wanna celebrate who they are in the moment. Sometimes it's about, oh, my husband wants, like, I have my, one of my last clients, she found me on Google.

Which I freaking love. Thank you Google. She was sending me such an angel. She was amazing. Uh, she is amazing and she's like, my husband wants sexy photos. And so I googled photos and I found you. And so here we are. And she booked me immediately. I. Oh, and we did her session and her husband fell in love with the photos and she was a gem.

And I'll post about her on my gram, so you guys will see her. She's, oh, I can't wait. Dope as hell. And yeah, so like, it was direct. I got one sexy photos and she went and did sexy photos and happy birthday to you. So I, I get those too. Um, yeah. Yeah. It's been, you brought up this element of fear that people do have fear about this, and it is.

Taboo in some places. Yeah. It was very taboo before, like, I don't even know how my, my, my colleagues who've been doing this longer than me, they were able to promote this. And what, 'cause they was like, is it porn? Like when I started, are you doing porn? And now it's like, do you do OnlyFans? I'm like, no, I don't.

I mean, only fans, there's money in there, but I. Yeah. Haven't gotten approached for OnlyFans. I'm not, I don't know if I would. It's okay. Oh, lord Jesus. I am here to empower women. This is not like a money making machine for me. Like, let's do whatever it takes. I wanna work with that, my everyday women and remove the, the narrative that doing a session like this and celebrating your body is, is bad.

Hmm. I have to be honest, I've never done a shoot like this, so I am, I can fly to Collo. Yeah, you should come shadow. I will come and see you. We're gonna do a session. That's it, guys. You heard it right here.

Yeah, girls, we'll do a girls night and we'll be like a slumber jam and we'll do a mini session for everybody. Oh, I do those too. That's amazing. Yes, please. I'm ready. Yeah, both hands in both. So that's another thing, like, and not that I'm like, I feel like, like I'm pitching my business now, but we also talk about what, what it looks like.

Thank you. But also about what it looks like for you. So I, I. There are many ways the session can look like, and so we'll talk about your comfort. Mm-hmm. I'm not here to like break you, like be vulnerable and show every, no, like this is, these are all the ways we could do it. And I, and we create a vision board on Pinterest.

We keep it very simple to the point, like, everyday use, show me what's inspiring to you and, and then I'll show you what I'm inspired by and then we'll blend that together and we'll literally create this, this experience together. You're a part of the whole thing. I don't, you don't just show up and like.

That's why I don't tell 'em what to expect. Like in a way, I'm telling you little by little I give you a PDF with like some guidance on like outfits and things you could do for yourself and like all the ways that I inspire other women, photos of all my clients. So you see those things and then we get to talk about what that session looks like for you.

And you probably saw a couple of shots that you wanna do, and some of them are risque and they're even afraid to show me, like, I put this photo in the Pinterest board, lemme know what you think. And, and I'm like, Ooh, that's sexy. Well, let's see what we can do and, and then we'll, we'll recreate something similar.

And so it doesn't need to be, I do both. I, you get to be comfortable, but I also get to push a little bit so that you can see that it's not. That crazy. And once you're through the experience and you see your photos, that's where the transformation happens because then you're like, oh shit, that's me. Yeah.

Do people ever get emotional when they see their photos? Every time? If not crying, they'll be like, girl. I find a whole bunch. I have a whole bunch of mini me all over because they really like me. They're like, my clone, oh my God, this is amazing. I look so good. And like they bring their girlfriend, they're like, girl, oh my God, I wanna do this.

So it looks so good. And it's just like, and some of them do. They, they've gotten emotional, there's tears, uh mm-hmm. Some of 'em have deep stories that they don't, that we don't even touch base until that moment because. I, again, still learning on how it is that I want to create this for you. Mm-hmm. I'm not, I'm not a coach that supports in all those things.

In that way, I'm still learning also how to, I don't wanna break you where like I need to, I need you to call your therapist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if there's something deep that happen to you, I make sure, and they have say, I haven't gotten there. Usually they, they come prepared to do this step and, and whatnot, but you never know somebody's story.

And I had one particular client who like. Cry like, but it was like cleansing tears. Yeah. And she had a crazy conversation around her body. Mind you, her body is like, but girl, like, what do you mean? And so that's another lesson for me. It's like she, to me, look Barbie. So like, why are you crying? I'm so confused.

And she had a different conversation from something sometime when she was a, a teen or younger, and that's not how she looked or whatever happened in her life. Not that, not to put it out here, but, um, she, something happened to her when she saw herself from a different lens, from somebody else's point of view.

Mm-hmm. And it just kind of like healed. I feel like it healed a moment in her life. And it was beautiful to see her like in the moment. Like do that, like go through that, through that walk and see young her through like who she is today and. Goosebumps again. Like, wow, that's, yeah. So it doesn't matter what shape we are, we have a narrative around we're supposed to look like this person or that person.

We all have one. Yeah. We all have that conversation. And so, um, again, I love that I'm tapping into a space and I still say practicing and I still say I'm still tapping. I'm learning also where like I get to have these conversations with more clarity now. I get to also heal my own traumas and beliefs and narratives around my body and how I show up and my sexy and being sexy, and also being a business owner Also, like all of those things, it's like women are supposed to be like, you're 40 something.

Like do 40 something stuff. Like, I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Do 40 something stuff. I'm gonna dress how I wanna dress, I'm gonna look cute. Yes. I love that. Uh, I'm gonna live my life the best way I can. I wanna, I, I create space. I don't know why I already do it. I create space for other people to show up as they are, and so do a ton of my friends who do photography too, whether it's boudoir and what, that's the goal always.

This is how I see you through my lens. You, you're shining. I, I we want you to see. We, what I offer my fellow photographers is that we also see that we are part of that, and so if we see it, it's because we have it. And so we need to remember which, then we go back to the ritual. I don't like them, but they help and because you get to acknowledge yourself.

Yeah, you get to, you get to acknowledge yourself and we forget to do that in the middle of the creating for other people. We forget that we are part of the creation.

Okay, so the last part of the show is gonna be talking about how our listeners can bring this into their day-to-day life. So I'm thinking. We all go through transitions in our life. We talked about body transitions and just other life transitions and we're, we wanna think about how can people work on finding peace with finding acceptance with their bodies through life's transitions?

What are some rituals that come to mind for all of us about finding that peace? That's a loaded question for me right now. Michelle. Michelle is here with the deep question. Yo, for real. I mean, so every day, not even just, this is a, a tool. I'm gonna give you a tool, okay? You, you get up in the morning, you, you're sexy, lingerie, or however you go to sleep, naked, all the things, whatever, go in front of the mirror, whether it's in your bathroom or in your room.

I have a big mirror in my room and just like. But first I open all the windows, I open all the things and let the light come in. Mm-hmm. I wanna, I wanna see all of me and then put myself in front of the mirror and I like, just like caress every part of my body. Like I'm hugging it. And then I tell you, you look fucking bagging today.

Sorry about the cursing. You look so good girl. And I love your reading on Spotify now. Oh. Just tell. Okay. Like, yeah. Um, just tell yourself. Go in for the mirror. Go tell yourself. You look so good today. Yeah. Look at, look at your legs. Look at that. Look at that body. Look at that stomach. Oh my God, girl. I love, love every piece of you.

Every part of you. Yeah. If that feels fake, just like look at yourself and say, I love you. Yes, this, this is what I was gonna bring up, that there's this TED Talk all. Link it in the show notes, people Please do, please. Um, it's Shauna Shapiro, and she's talking about mindfulness and what you practice grows stronger.

And she starts off with this practice of every morning she'll say, good morning, Shauna. I love you. I love you. It's like, it feels so weird at first, but eventually it just starts to sink in. So it could be like, my body looks banging right now. And you just say that to yourself every morning and eventually you'll practice grows stronger.

But if up every morning and it's, ugh, I hate, you know, what's wrong with my body today? What do I, how, how much do I weigh? What's looking wrong? That's why you're growing. I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you this. Sit with all the things that you like. If that's coming up, be cur. So I, oh my god, I was gonna call today.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Be curious. When you're practicing anything that's gonna shift you, be curious about everything that's coming up for you. Don't dismiss it if it's negative. Sit with it. Be curious. Be curious from a playful place, like why is this coming up? Interesting that I just said that to myself. Would I say that to my best friend?

Like be curious about it. And I love that addition from a playful place. Like I think that's so key. Yeah, because like my curiosity can be. Very rigid and like, kinda like, yeah, like intense. Yeah, no, with a playful spirit. Yeah. Be cute about it. Like, that's cute. Like, why did I just say that to myself? Like, yeah, I don't look good.

Like my stomach is wobbly, really, like everybody else's stomach is perfect, not mine. Like, just be funny about it. Yeah. And, and, and, and, and, and this is again, like you said, like it's a practice. It's not gonna, it's gonna feel weird at first. It, it was weird for me. At first for a little while, it took a lot of, it took intention.

It took me getting tired of trashing myself. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Good reminder. For listeners like it probably will be hard at first. It will be hard, but choose. Choose that you love yourself. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Choose that because of you and your emotions, other people get to feel loved. I'm thinking about Michelle, what you were saying with this phrase, like even like, good morning Kelly, I love you.

Mm-hmm. And I've been thinking a lot about, I put a ton of pressure on myself, like my worth is just what I produce, like what I'm doing, and it's really getting me stuck. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. We're processing and therapy, everyone. Don't worry. And I love this idea in the morning. To like take a slow down moment, like in front and in front of the mirror would be I think fabulous.

Just 'cause we're always in front. It's powerful. Yeah. And saying something like, Kelly, just, just being you. Makes you worthy or, or something like that. I need to figure out the phrase, no, but I need to say this every day. So thank you both. I, I really needed to hear this. That's actually good. Figure out a phrase that supports you in the moment.

That feels, again, like when I'm posting you, I'm not gonna post you like everybody else. What feels good when I tell you to do this or that. So if I, if we're telling you, tell yourself Lada, I love you. If that feels weird, say something else. That feels good. Yeah. Say, oh my God, you're cool. Start with like, oh my God, you're so dang cool.

Aw. Mm-hmm. And we're gonna, and we're gonna rock the day, whatever way it comes, whatever feels good. Like you need to believe this thing. I'm not giving you a mantra, an affirmation, none of that stuff. It needs to be real. Yep. Yeah, it needs to be real. Yeah, it needs to be real. And then like with all of that Kayla Kelly, like giving myself time in the morning and like saying out, even like in giving myself time, I say that before I get up.

Like, you're good Ida. We at seven o'clock? Nope. Your body feels tired still. You're gonna be falling asleep in the next meeting if you don't stay the extra hour. We need one more hour. It's okay. Yeah, that's okay. It's just, it is just simply, okay. In my case, I don't have children, I don't have a husband to tend to, I get it.

Not everybody's me. Mm-hmm. But, but then if that's not possible for you, because you do have to start your morning early, figure out a time in the day, even if it's 10 freaking minutes mm-hmm. To do something for just you. I'm telling you, just sitting looking at a tree that that's gonna tell your brain is gonna tell your heart that you matter.

Love that. Oh yes. It doesn't need to be like me three hours later, like, you know, like SpongeBob, three hours play talk. I'm still in bed. Oh, that's actually new by the way. I just started that like a week ago or two. Sponge. No. Sleeping late. Oh my God. No. We all grew up on that thing. Oh, interesting. Time of life to start watching.

No. God no. I started the sleeping in late. Uh oh. Yeah. Go like on purpose. Just like, Nope, I'm getting. Let's see how this looks and it, it looks at me. Look, I'm still up at this time without that, I'm like, well, seven 30 doesn't look good for you guys because at eight something, I'll be doing one of these. I sleep in front of the, no, it's just, no, I know my body, but it two looks different.

I have, okay. One thing to add about the looking at yourself in the mirror, which Yes, please. From personal experience. So recently, well, I don't know when it was, but I was like, wow, I'm like not looking as good in the morning, like what's going on? And. Somehow it took me like probably weeks to realize I was glaring at myself, like I was just like smiling, glaring, glaring at

myself. I know it's so simple. So just like, yeah, be aware of like the gaze that you're putting on yourself. Like it's so easy to not realize that you're doing that. How do you, my Latina is coming out right now and I can't think of the word, like Mm, so like, look at yourself as if. Love interest is looking at you.

Yes. Like if somebody's trying to get your attention, like, I can't think of the, the phrase that, what, what's the word in Spanish? Yeah. Are you thinking in Spanish?

So like fall in love with like talk to you. Like if you are trying to make you fall in love with you. Yeah. Like say a pickup line, look at yourself like you're about to drop a pickup line. Yeah. Like, like damn. I see you at least like laughing too. Yeah. That's, anything is better than scowling in the morning.

I don't know if you guys watch New Girls, new Girl. Oh yeah. So I'm, I'm a, I'm a, I love Nick. Nick is my husband. Yeah. But, but, um, Schmidt is my homie. So Paula Schmidt in the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Paula Schmidt, like the way he talks to Cece, like, damn girl, we're gonna be together. We're gonna get married. You gonna be my wife?

Like, talk to talk, talk, talk to yourself like a douche bag.

Iag wood because you're so sexy. He doesn't know what to do with with himself because you look so good. Oh, that's and be like Jar. Like if it's something that makes it say Jar, you did it. Right. Okay. Feel like that's a perfect note to end on. Yes. Yes. Yourself. Like a douche bag. Watch new girls. You know what I mean?

Watch new girls so you can get context. Schmidt is the best I love, I would love for him to throw me a pickup line. I'll be cracking up on the floor and be like, yes, I'm sexy. Oh my God. Thank you. Wow. Well this has been just so, so amazing, so happy and spicy. Sorry guys. I don't your audience. I love it. I hope they enjoy my crazy.

We're going to make them love it. Yes, 100%. I did this well.

All right. Aw, thank you guys. Thank you for me this. Oh my goodness.

All right, ritual fam, we hope that you enjoyed today's episode. We absolutely loved getting to talk with ra. And we're going to end today's podcast with a quote for you. Oh, we're trying something new here. So this quote is by Sonya Renee Taylor, who wrote the incredible book, your Body Is Not An Apology, also linked in the show notes.

And there's a workbook that goes along with it too. So the quote goes, radical self-love summons us to be our most expansive selves, knowing that the more unflinchingly powerful we allow ourselves to be, the more unflinchingly powerful others feel capable of being. Our unapologetic embrace of our bodies gives others permission to unapologetically embrace theirs.

That's Sonya Renee Taylor. All right, well, if you would like to connect with us, we would love to connect with you. Our website is ritual sisters pod.com. And our Instagram is at Ritual Sisters Pod. We would love to hear from you. We would love to hear if you have any tools that you use to appreciate or connect with your body.

And if you share those with us, we might just feature them on the podcast in the future. So we would, yeah, feel free to reach out and we'd love to hear from you. And we're also, I mean we're trying lots of new stuff with this episode. We made a playlist for you if that is helpful in connecting with your body and spending a little bit of time with yourself.

So that is linked in the show notes. There's a lot of good tools in the show notes, a check that out. And wherever you are, whenever you are, we hope that you're having a magical time. Goodbye

making magic visible

and harmony in.